hank’s prank. more specifically- my prank on hank. too good!

found a photo of you when we were married
leaning back on a broken willow tree
that’s one memory that i choose to carry
weary memory i can always see

            ~iron & wine

 

greetings readers.  another month, another hilarious prank.  this one has a small back story, with that in mind allow me to elaborate, elevate, and extenuate.

at my work the heads of this cost cutting company decided to allow a special treat to those of us who repeatedly broke the average amount of jobs in a day with a bribe of $100 per quarter.  naturally this is not for everyone.  instead those who care enough to win $100 need only do slightly above average work for two months and take it easy for one month and since they were above average in their production, their names go into a drawing.  this means, as i am sure you understand- being such wise readers, that even if one person outshines all others in some crazy caffinated, dot for pupils, cannot talk must work- need $100 way, that person is not guaranteed $100, only their name to be borrowed long enough for a drawing for it.

the average job per hour set up by the wonderful hardworking management is 13.  13 jobs x 8 hours = 104 jobs per day.  really simple.  now comes the spirit of competition, an added precurser to my prank- some jobs are worth more.  i show up to work at 11am, third for the department.  and you better believe all of these ‘super jobs’ are taken.  so, i instead just grab what i can and set to work- like a good little boy.

being that i work harder then the rest of the whinny sissys in my department- their averages, even with the super jobs are 10 to 15 per hour.  i have about 18-26.  and then came the comment: ‘i guess someone want’s that $100.’

sure, i’ll take $100 before i take candy from a baby, but at $100 per quarter- it is not making or breaking my bank.  and silly comments deserve silly pranks.  the rest of the week i kept saying ridiculous things like, ‘that $100 is as good as mine!’ ‘if i am gonna win $100, i better look like $100!’ ‘$100 in my hand is better than 13 jobs an hour,’  anything to annoy hank, the person of the aforementioned comment.  

after a week of $100 comments he threatened to go to human resources and report me for harrassment.  being that i am not afraid of anything, i decided to make sure he had a better reason to go to human resources then just comments of $100.  that is when i came up with this awesome idea:

well, now you have a face to go with the ridiculous comment.  now, imagine what i can do with $2,000 in funny money.  i will save you the suspense:

and be sure to take note, that i took down his papers, hung some $100s and hung his papers back up.

and icing on the cake…

that day i was called, ‘prank master 8,000,’ which i hope does not stick.  i am not a fan of numbers for names, not since i was ’42′ in college.  stay tuned- i might be in trouble.  but i get a hearing before any disciplinary action is taken, and there i will use my innocent face to quell the thoughts of punishment.